Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Gone but not forgotten ....Yesterday was the 7th anniversary of my Mothers death.
Mom there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of. You are in my heart where ever I go. There are times when I'm lying on the floor in a ball and crying wishes you were here to guide through my tough times.
I just ask for your guidance and you take my hand and help me through.
I often feel you next to me ,or see a sign you have left to let me know you are around.
I was once told by someone that when I saw coins on the ground ,that would be a sign you were with me. I will never forget the time I was on the PCT in the middle of no where going to the bathroom off trail, I reached down to grab my water bottle, and climbed back on the trail in the dirt there were three coins. I laughed and smiled knowing you were with me on my journey.
There are so many more stories like that to tell. They sound so unbelievable to most people if it wasn't happening to me I might not believe it.

I want to thank you for helping me in my recent relationship issues. I let go to what I loved and gave up for a moment. I know you wanted me to see on my own that I was truly in love with Andy, and stepping away was the only way to make me realize how much I loved him.
Those nights that I cried because of how awful I felt, I felt you near letting me know it was all a test.
I have some how become you, your spirit lives through me and I see it.
I know I made you proud and I still do.
The times I wanted to die just to be with you again I can no longer count. You made me understand that I am here for a reason. I am here to inspire others just like you inspired me. I know one day we will be together again. But for now I will see you in my dreams and I will see the signs you leave for me.
The one thing I know is, you are happy that you are with my Dad and my sister Peggy. You all have each other and I know you're not alone. I hope you are still taking walks with Oskar my little dog that left me to be with you.
I love you always Mommy.
I know you still think I'm crazy for running Ultras. But like you said before at least I'm not on drugs.

11 comments:

CoyoteGirl said...

Beautiful and touching. I'm sure your mom is so proud of you.

Anonymous said...

sounds like a private post. and sounds like you love you mother very much. glad for you that you still have a special relationship with her, even if she's not 'physically' here.

runninsmadge said...

This seems like an appropriate time for me to thank you for inspirational posts...I have been following you on here for several months now and find your adventures to be inspiring. I read the post about your father recently and it nearly brought tears; as the father of a 2 y/o daughter that I too call Peanut, it had an im pact on me. Due in part to your posts I have moved from thinking about someday trying ultras to actually making the leap and will run a 34 mile trail in SC in May.

cmcd said...

dear catra -- maybe you recall we met at badwater while i was researching a book on the tarahumara? (i was also crewing for luis escobar). the book is finished, and you're in it. i hope that's a little cheery news on what must be a tough day. let me know where to send it, and i'll have a copy heading your way right away. thanks for your excellent blog; you're starting to feel like a member of the family.

-- chris mcdougall

avabee said...

What a lovely, loving post.

Catra said...

Thank you everyone for the nice post.
Hi Chris you can send it to me
5121 Lawler av.
Fremont, ca. 94536.
Thank you that made me smile :)
Catra

Anonymous said...

Catra:
Thanks for being an inspiration to so many of us "lurkers" & otherwise!! Every time I am having a rough day, I come read your posts, because they always inspire me...You've gotten me thru more WODs than I can count, and I've started running again because of one of your posts... So keep it up, even if you don't know it, you are a light in my sometimes dark world!! Happy Trails.
PS -- word verification word of the day: FATIOSTA. strangely inappropriate, eh?

Jon said...

Yes. :-)

kelly said...

Beautiful and well said, Catra. Thanks for sharing. I hope you have a wonderful weekend with Andy.

Bret said...

Enjoyed this one Catra...very nice.

Brian said...

Very nice post Catra..
I definitely believe that our loved ones stay close to us after leaving the physical world. I have had similar experiences (much like when you found coins on the trail) that make you just stop and smile.