Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Put a Lil' Love Into It!

It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put into the giving. Mother Theresa
Rocky is the best dog ever!! some days he teaches me a trick or two. Today's trick relax!! We did a 3 mile run and I did a 3 crossfit exercises just Tabatas.
And took care of packing for our trip down South Thursday afternoon.
All these pictures are of flowers My Mom and I planted. I will be moving in a month and it will be scary change is always scary, but I am moving forward in life. It will be nice living with my Friend Jerry for awhile until Whole Foods has an opening for me down South so I can move in with Andy.
Jerry's house in 1 mile from the Mission Peak trail head so I can run there. Rocky really likes Jerry so it will be a perfect place for us to live for awhile.
It will be sad that this chapter in my life is closing.

I won't see those flowers to many more times. My house has a lot of good and sad memories. I have lived here since I was 13 moved out when I was 20 and moved back at 27, after I got clean and sober. Never planned on living back home that long. In 2002 my Mom passed away so my sister and my nephew moved in. I promised to stay 3 years then it turned into 5. I told her when I set out on the PCT I wanted out in 2 years.
So here I am two years later and am ready to be free.
I never felt happy living here since my Mom passed away. Felt trapped, now I am finally being set free to take care of what I need to in life. And take care of me.
I will be much happier but at the same time I'm sure I will be filled with sadness.
I found my Mom dead in her room. It has always bothered me that I didn't come home that night, and instead was out running all night on Diablo. Maybe things could of been different.
I know deep inside everything happens for a reason and when it's our time to go we cant do anything to change it.
Ok sorry didn't mean for this to be so sad. I know I am going to be happy and feel free in the end.

13 comments:

Carmen said...

Good luck!! I can imagine how hard some of these changes can be, but moving forward is the right thing. Those flowers are beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Catra,
Didn't realize you will be moving. You will be missed by the regulars like myself at Mission Peak. Stop by sometime before you leave. I am only a couple of blocks down the road from Jerry on the same street. By the way, did Julia receive her cellphone a hiker found and gave to me? Keep in touch.

Benjamin Yee
East Bay Regional Parks Bike Patrol Officer

Anonymous said...

hello. nice comments and great quotes. Is Catra a German name?

Smithposts said...

Good luck on your move Catra! Sounds like life is leading you in a new, exciting direction! I am in the middle of a sad-happy move myself. It is an interesting place to be in life.

Jay said...

I've been there Catra. I found my best friend dead in a house I shared with him about 10 years ago. I stayed there for two years after as a favor to his parents who inherited the house but couldn't afford the mortgage without my rent. I moved out about 8 years ago. It was really tough moving out, but I settled into my new place and haven't looked back since. A change of scenery may be just what you need to recharge your batteries... it really worked for me! Good luck to you, and hope to see you out on the PCT!!!

Anonymous said...

Good luck with the move, Catra. I can identify with your thoughts on your Mom's last night. My dad died at the NYAC in the middle of the night and I always wondered if he woke up and cried out for help. 28 years later, I still think about it.

olga said...

That's a huge step, Catra. Good for you for taking a leap. Moving forward is what we are about:)

Anonymous said...

Fly little bird, a new nest is waiting for your beauty.

avabee said...

Your posts about your mom (& dad) are so beautiful, touching and sad.

Good luck with your move.

Mountain Goat said...

Lovely post. I think the move will be great for you, sounds like maybe you were too long at the house. I say that because when I look back at how I was living before now..I should have made changes sooner. I get stuck.

I am hoping your move down South will happen quickly. When you move in with Andy, plant some new beautiful flowers in memory of your mom.

Will keep you in my prayers.

Hope.

Drs. Cynthia and David said...

Sorry you are moving on. You will be missed around here. I hope to see you again when you come back to visit or on the trails someday.

You could take a cutting or seeds or something with you from the garden and plant it at your new home. Then you could always feel a little bit of home is with you. It might take some of the sting out of the move.

Take care,
Cynthia

Me said...

Friends of mine lost their son in their house. They stayed there for a few years and recently moved to a new house. They said it's been a new beginning. They loved their old house, but was ready to continue on. Good luck! I think you may find yourself with a much needed exhale. Maybe you can transplant some of the flowers to your next location?!

Bret said...

Don't feel bad about being sad. I would be too. Nice post.